Showing posts with label broken. Show all posts
Showing posts with label broken. Show all posts

Monday, 5 January 2015

Getting My Joy Back



If you’ve been following along the journey here, you’ll know that we’ve had an extra soul living here the last year or two. That hasn’t always been an easy thing for me. I’ve known a spot (alright it was more of a huge blotch) of desperation or two. A striving towards the light. A failing and falling. A grasping onto hope. A quiet clinging to the One who covers the whole sticky mess with Grace. Because without that? I hate to think just where we’d be.

While I consider myself one who tries to look for the good in things - to spy that speck of joy in the muddy puddle - I have to admit that I lost my way somewhat this past year. Hope was always there but I’d conquer the darkness and then it would conquer me. And round and round we went.

Desperate for some me time, I stayed up far too late recently and caught up on my favourite blogs. Thank you ladies for putting your imperfection out there. I love you for it. So much. In the midst of the quiet I found myself relating all too well to a post about depression. One thing led to another and there I was staring at a list of possible symptoms able to tick a good three quarters of them. There is a healing of sorts in such a moment. A dawning of realisation that the emotional exhaustion, general ‘just over life right now-ness’, and the barely coping with a certain situation that has carried on much too long-  are all just signs pointing to the fact that the puddle may actually be more of a bog and a little help and self-love are very needed.

You see, I know that things haven’t always been too pretty here. I’m quite aware my attitude has downright stunk at times. If the situation wasn’t enough to weigh me down, the constant nagging thoughts in my head certainly have. Difficult decisions have been made that left me feeling compromised one way or the other. What if the choice I made wasn’t the best? The alternative still had its issues too. Impossible to win. Looking back I wonder if I enabled that which frustrated me. Did I put in my best effort? Could I have exercised a little more grace?

In the end there’s nothing to do but be still. What’s done is done. Now we wait for the miracle where He works it all out for good. This is also time for the f word: Forgiveness. And that starts with myself.

“He offers us forgiveness for every intentional sin, every accidental one, and even the ones we have no idea we’ve lived out. Nothing we have or haven’t done in our lives-or for or to our special kids-either merits or disqualifies us from His love for us (Romans 8:28). The only aspect that hinges on us is this: will we receive it? Because that’s what “forgiving ourselves” is all about.” – Laurie Wallin

I feel deep in my soul the need for joy. The timing of Laurie’s new book couldn’t be more appropriate. I’m not quite sure what the journey will look like in 2015. But I know it begins with a step towards healing. With goodness and mercy following me, I’m getting my joy back.

Are you a special needs parent? Or maybe just struggling with a difficult child? Need a dose of joy yourself? Join me in reading “Get Your Joy Back”. Get your copy here.

Friday, 15 August 2014

A Smashing Time

I watched in dismay as one of my pretty blue mugs fell from the bench and shattered into uselessness on the hard tiles below.

Hubby broke one of his favourite cups in a similar fashion.

One of the kids knocked a parcel of delicate glass candle holders onto the floor. You know- the ones I was just about to wrap for my secret prayer friend at Church. When the shops are closed and I need to have it ready for first thing in the morning.

The theme has continued…

Stuff keeps breaking, like the light bulbs I never saw sitting on the bench. Until they no longer were.  Becoming quite useless after a split second trip to the floor.

Or the car yesterday. Not its first ride home these past few months on the back of a tow truck.

Broken.

The word seems to be shouting at me.

I feel it inside myself too.

The longing to connect with a certain young man who moved in with us last year. The realising just how hard that is going to be.

The need to help another one understand that we really are just trying to help. Please don’t think of us so, dear child.

The messes and lists that go with them. Aware of my limitations.

The tiredness we feel as the year marches on. The exhaustion that sets in, at times making relationship at home strained and awkward.

My seeming inability to relate to those in the world around me too.

I remember reading about a broken window once (or twice – I loved this book)


“Most significant, perhaps, is my twelve-paned bedroom window installed in the front wall when remodelling the room from a garage. The lower left-hand pane was broken when my ex-husband was moving a large mirror shortly before he left our home. The mirror shattered. As for the broken pane, I never had it replaced, because after our divorce I never had an extra fifty bucks. Yet I’ve thought a lot about that smashed windowpane with its spiderweb appearance. It became a symbol of our broken home, and I was forced to come to terms with its cold, sharp edges and tacky appearance. Perhaps I never had the window fixed because somehow I knew things need time to be what they are.” 
–Marlee LeDai


What we are.

Maybe I just need time to appreciate where things are at. Not because they are beautiful right now. Rather what they have potential to be.     

I have to the see the blemishes as something more.

When we go treasure hunting for vintage finds, it is not the perfect pieces we are drawn to. The stuff that comes home is often tattered, well worn, and tells a story in the scrapes and bruises it bears. Sometimes we leave it as it is. Other times we administer a dose of TLC. But we are careful to never strip a piece completely of evidence of the life it has lived.

Because this is where the beauty is found. A beauty that is not so much about perfection as realness.  A beauty that draws us in and fascinates us with its character. Beauty that stands tall despite (or because of?) hardships and difficulty.

Beauty that says, “Me too.”

Two thousand years ago, a wee babe entered into this world. The conditions were hardly what we might consider ideal. Just a dusty stable full of animals and a makeshift manger cradle. Why?  Because he was willing to enter into our mess. Our brokenness. He was willing to take it all on. To get to know us. On our level. To be real. To be able to say, “Me too.”

To love us where we are and invite us to so much more…

All that shattered glass cannot be mended. It doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things anyway. The brokenness inside us does. I’ve puzzled over this recurrent theme trying to make sense of it all. I’m not quite there yet. I’m handing my pieces to the master craftsman though. Trusting him to work it all out. In his way. In his time. Hoping that one day the beauty will be revealed.


“Windows may not be fixed right away, but that does not mean they will never be mended. Everything may not become clear in a twinkling. It takes courage to begin to think in different ways about anything that gives you pain. It takes courage to see the possibilities in disability or disease or divorce. But that doesn’t mean that you and I can’t live with style, dignity, and intention.” – Marlee LeDai



Wednesday, 25 September 2013

In His Time

Lately it seems I'm back on the road of learning (again, and again, and again) the need to go easy on myself and rest in God's good timing; 

the fact that he holds the bigger picture; 

that he knows where I'm at; 

that he's okay with that.







Friday, 13 September 2013

Five Minute Mercy

Join me in the Five Minute Friday Challenge hosted by Lisa-Jo Baker. Participants write for 5 minutes with no editing, no over thinking, and no backtracking. This week’s word is: Mercy.

 

(Go)


So I did something the other day I shouldn’t have. I read a blog post. Yup. Guilty as charged. It was in fact a very good article - about how this particular lady organises her afternoons.

I won’t say who she is or provide a link for you. Not because I don’t want you to read it. (There were lots of great tips) But rather that it just wasn’t a good choice for me. I generally avoid conversations about housework and what others can achieve in a given timeframe as I just can’t. I find it disheartening to know that what would be considered a good week for me, is somebody else’s afternoon. Not even a whole day!

It really didn’t help. It was the final shove I didn’t need to push this exhausted, inadequate Mama over the edge and into depression. I have no-one to blame but myself. And I have spent a good chunk of the week battling those inner voices and struggling to smile much. So I let myself be sad. My eyes persistently leaking as I once again mourned what doesn’t belong to me; deciding that I might as well embrace my feelings and acknowledge them instead of wishing them away.

The beautiful thing in all of this? He met me there. Held my hand. Let me cry for a while. Then a bit more. Gently lifting my chin He offered to take my pain, my frustrations, my shortcomings. Reminded me that it’s okay not to be perfect… That I am loved in spite of me.


Hebrews 4:15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (NIV)


(Stop)

Now, your turn…


Thursday, 5 September 2013

To Start Over

Here is a story I wrote earlier this year. Some parts are based on reality. Other parts are exactly as they happened. All of it is true. 
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Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.” - Mary Anne Radmacher

The shrilling alarm pierces through her. Dazed she fishes around on the bedside table until the stop button mercifully comes out of hiding. Lingering in the quiet a few moments, she knows the day must eventually be faced.

Bones creak and limbs ache as she makes her way to the refrigerator. Bending to retrieve the juice from the bottom shelf, something odd on the tile beneath catches her eye. At first glance it looks like a dirty mark. She makes a mental note that the floors are overdue for a mopping. Slowly the realisation dawns on her that most tiles bear the same peculiar little smudge. On closer inspection the spots are not dirt. They are, in fact, lead pencil.

The guilty party is stood trial and given a chance to explain. Because goodness knows she is baffled and requires an explanation. His rationale reveals the observation of small white flecks that do not belong in the chocolate brown. It was urgent that he remedy, what to him was, a grand issue. Thus the day begins, not with juice, but a lesson in scrubbing the floor – and why one must not draw on it. 

The situation would almost be comical if it were a one off. But it is not. This is far from the first time such a lesson has needed to be taught. Most likely it will not be the last. She is weary of going through these motions day after day; trying desperately to get through to a child who does not understand. Not because he means to be difficult, but rather is ignorant of the fact that he is. To him these actions make perfect sense. The puzzle is hers.

With bladder demanding attention, she retreats to the serenity that is a small room with a locked door. Or rather it would be if the floor underneath were not victim to a large puddle. The growing aroma does little for relaxation either. Semi-resigned to the facts she takes a long strand of paper and begins the clean up. At floor level another test awaits. Scrunched up, peeking out from behind the toilet bowl, two pieces of soiled paper announce their presence. He cannot see the problem with this picture. Her composure is beginning to evaporate.  

With breakfast over, the next challenge comes into view. Pushing down growing resentment, she arms herself with his toothpaste and brush. Left to him, the paste would soon be discarded down the plughole. Bristles and enamel would remain strangers. There is little satisfaction to be had in watching him squirm and cry out at pain the majority of folk would not even feel. Some things just need to be done whether appreciated or not. His yellow teeth are neither attractive nor healthy. This is no time to let emotions rule.

Grateful to be done with that exercise, she busies herself with the day’s tasks. Withdrawing to the bookshelf in the corner of the room, he is content to sit and take notes about his favourite vehicles. The book already has a contents page but not nearly as detailed as the one he is constructing. For now calm is back on the throne. Perhaps today will be better.

The illusion of peace is shattered upon stripping his bed.  Hidden in the pillowcase is a conglomeration of all sorts; toy cars, strange messages scribbled to who knows who, bits of junk, and in the middle of it all a twenty dollar note. She wants to be sick. Her skin crawls to think that her own flesh and blood is capable of such sneaky theft. Every time something has gone missing lately - he has stolen it. Only two days ago he had vehemently denied knowing anything about the mystery of the missing money from her purse. She had pressed him and provided ample opportunity to confess. Though she suspected guilt, there was little choice but to offer the benefit of the doubt.

Fighting the urge to slap, she hands him a wooden rolling pin - to be held out, at arms length, for five minutes. Wailing and gnashing of teeth ensue. Two minutes later he is begging to be granted reprieve from the consequence. What is this for?  His mind genuinely cannot fathom how the penalty will prevent a repeat offence. Weary from all the drama she reminds him that stealing is wrong, desperately hoping that maybe this time he will comprehend. He wants to argue and insist that she does not love him. He would be better off dead. Hope is at an all time low.  

Emotions twisted like an unsolved Rubik’s cube she feeds him a sandwich and sends him outside to play. He stubs a toe on the door frame, crying out in angry pain. Rushing to help and offer sympathy, she is rewarded with a low growl. Shoved away to be the helpless witness of self injury and hurtful, degrading words turned inwards. The irony of how one so needing help can fail to see the love extended to him. A riddle she has no answers for.

Trapped in a cruel maze without an exit, will she ever be able to relate to this foreigner who is her own flesh and blood? The question grates at her very core. This does not belong in dreams of motherhood.

An hour passes. It is time to come in. The strong scent of urine enters the kitchen before he does. Surely not again!

Good emotions, like patience and love, are all but used up. She takes a deliberate breath, in and out, big and deep. Mustering up the strength to make what little is left last until bedtime. Putting it out there, it is spread incredibly thin - painfully full of holes and so very fragile.

The child is sent for a shower. A check up, ten minutes later, finds him naked, unwashed, and perched atop the bathroom basin.

Eyes wild, voice strained, the tension tumbles out at frightening speed. She knows she is saying these things; it is her voice doing the screaming. Able to hear it all but so powerless to make it stop. Eyes stinging with backed up moisture she runs away. Anywhere will do. Crouching down in the solitude with her back against the cool metal of the laundry tub, the salty torrent pushes through the dam wall around her heart. It comes so quickly, the intensity catches her off guard. She presses her face into her knees in a futile attempt to stifle the hacking sobs. At last she must come up for air or be suffocated by the sheer emotion.

Quieter now, breathing steady, the tears slow to a trickle as she offers heaven a desperate prayer. Finally able to admit out loud that she does not even like this child called her son; much less herself for her seeming inability to love him. Another wave hits hard…

Looking up a silent figure stands watching. How long has he been there?

“I love you Mum,” he says. “I don’t know what’s making you cry or why you’re so upset.”

The blank expression on his face confirms this fact. And then he is handing her a piece of roughly folded paper.

“To write what’s troubling you down. When you are finished you can give it to me and I’ll help you.”

In a rare moment he comes and snuggles in close. Offers his favourite cuddly friend; the keeper of his secrets with threadbare patches to prove it. It is the most loving gesture he knows.  These moments are rare treasures. They are precious pearls to be tucked away in the heart for later - for the gaping of the in between.


Singed emotions melt. Hope sprouts in a bruised spirit. This mess called motherhood is worth the struggle after all. It matters little that she does not yet possess all the answers. Glory waits patiently for those wading through the mud. For now grace is enough. Tomorrow will bring a fresh sunrise. A chance to start over - to begin again. Taking each day moment by moment, if necessary, she will triumph. Just as the child deserves a hundred second chances, so does she.


Friday, 26 July 2013

A Bruised Reed

Join me in the Five Minute Friday Challenge hosted by Lisa-Jo Baker. Participants write for 5 minutes with no editing, no over thinking, and no backtracking. This week’s word is: Broken.

 

(Go)

Some days I feel so useless. With everything that’s been going on around here lately I’ve reached a brick wall. And crashed right into it. My body has been refusing to cooperate.

This morning I got up. That was an achievement folks. The fact that it was the same time as playgroup began didn’t matter. We still got ready and went anyway – for the last half. And I’m so glad we did. Just to get away from ourselves. To do something instead of staying home and being reminded of how useless and broken I feel. I’ve had several of those days lately. Too many.

My situation is right up in my face. Getting up my nose. Frustrating me. And I know that ‘when I am weak, He is strong.’ I know all that but some days I just want more. I don’t want to be this weak. This broken.

That’s when He gently whispers…

A bruised reed He shall not break, and a smoking wick He shall not quench… (Isaiah 42:3)

And I realise - it’s not so much about being broken. He just hasn’t finished working on me yet.

(Stop)


Now, your turn…

Friday, 5 April 2013

Fresh Paint


Join me in the Five Minute Friday Challenge hosted by Lisa-Jo Baker. Participants write for 5 minutes with no editing, no over thinking, and no backtracking. This week’s word is: After.

Five Minute Friday

(Go)

Autumn break means time to throw ourselves back into the renovations we began during the last ‘holiday’. We’re almost at the painting bit. Each day the space looks a little more like the dream in my heart. I wait for hubby to finish the window and door trims – then I can make myself useful with the putty and paint.

I have been passing the time by restoring the table and chairs we plan to use in the room…

Before: broken, dusty, cobwebs, evidence of creepy crawly inhabitants, dirty, peeling paint, missing polish, tired, sad, run down, needing love.

After: Fresh, bright, cheerful, restored, clean, smooth, useful, beautiful, loved.

It’s the same with us. God has a dream in his heart for us too. But placed in the master’s hands we can become so much more than an old chair with a fresh lick of paint.

(Stop)

Now, your turn…

Friday, 29 March 2013

Inner Pearl

Join me in the Five Minute Friday Challenge hosted by Lisa-Jo Baker. Participants write for 5 minutes with no editing, no over thinking, and no backtracking. This week’s word is: Broken.



(Go)

An unplanned trip to the beach. Jeans rolled up so as to get nearer the water. Water that is not as close as usual. It is low tide.

Shells, rocks and miscellaneous pieces in abundance. Fascinating things to get down and study. A wave comes in and rolls a pretty white sun bleached snail shell to me. Reaching into the water I miss and have to try again. Eventually the prize is mine. It is beautiful.

Periwinkles. So many periwinkles. My favourite. Soon I have a handful of varying colours and sizes. The patterns on each one are intricate.

But the ones that fascinate me the most? Those with holes – or windows as I like to think of them. Tiny glimpses inside these curious little spiral houses from a different world. The broken ones that reveal the central spiral staircase capture my imagination the most.

My husband brings me a piece of an oyster shell. The outside is lumpy and rather ordinary. I turn it over to reveal the beautiful pearly inner.

A beauty that would not be visible, if it were not broken.

(Stop)

Now, your turn…

 

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